Why I Wear Stupid Sweatshirts
I wear stupid sweaters and really silly shirts. Big colorful rainbows, crazy patterns, seasonal prints. These shirts stand out and often make me look really ridiculous when waiting in line at the store or the bank. Some of my adult friends might be hesitant to step out with me. It’s not subtle but it isn’t meant to be. I look like this because I am dressing for children. Children aren’t big on subtlety. I am trying to stick out, to make myself present, to create an approachable professional self for my students. I want students to see me. I want students to know, from one look that I am an open person who wants to talk with them.
That was something I struggled with when I was beginning to teach. I started off with a constructed teacher self that was very staid, button up shirts and ties. Signifiers of how much of a “serious” teacher I was. I was still caring and open to my students but I consciously constructed a separate, professional, self that was more muted. In a way I was dressing for my own ideas of what a teacher should be. The longer I stayed in that costume the more it became clear that was not the teacher I was. With experience came the realization that my teacher-self, while still a professional construction, doesn’t have to be constructed for the adults in the building or the model in my head.
In my teaching I try to make sure that I address students from a place that honors them as whole people. While I might be leading the expedition, we’re all on the same journey, we’re all people with experiences and thoughts that are worthy of hearing. If students know you’re with them, by and large they will come with you where you’re leading. Dressing like I do is part of that. It's how I signal to my students that there is safety here. Teachers do this for our students. We Signal Safety, We Lead with Care, and We Develop Trust.
This week a student who was usually quiet and reserved in my classes showed up suddenly bubbly and happy. They were carrying a drawing, in heavy black pen that took up most of a 1/4 sheet of paper. Clearly they had drawn something and were looking to show it off.
It’s important to me that whenever a student has something they have made I always ask them to tell me about it. If they put in the time to create it and are carrying it from place to place it means something to them. It’s important to them and they’re trying to show that to someone. Usually it’s a self-portrait in a Manga/Anime style, or a cool dragon or a page of just realistic eyes, lots of realistic eyes.
So, as we waited outside the room for the other students, I asked them what they had drawn.
Me: Hey {Student} it looks like you have drawing there what is it?
Student: “It’s a noose, I love it”
It was a noose, hanging from the branch of a dark tree, drawn in lots of jagged black pen lines. Colored in so aggressively its trunk was almost a solid black mass. There was another thing in the drawing, under the noose so I asked:
Me:“ I see, what’s that?”
Student: “ Its a stool, so that you can get up and get your head through the noose”
I was very worried, I have a student who has drawn something that is very strongly associated with suicidal ideation and is having a massive change in affect, which is common before an attempt. Every single bell is going off in my head in that moment. But I don’t want to single her out, freak her out, or give a reaction that is going to make her talking to me traumatic or center my emotions in this moment. So I said:
Me: “ Oh, that’s a really good drawing! It looks just like a noose. lets get into class”
I told her, truthfully, that it was a good drawing and treated her the same as I always had. I accepted her with caring and welcomed her into class. I kept a close eye on her during our class time. The second our class ended I left and went to find our guidance counselor- in person- to tell her that I thought that this student needed to be on her radar ASAP.
Then I had to go back and teach another class. The day kept moving while at the back of my head I was left to wonder if this student was alright, if they were getting the help they needed, if I had done enough for them.
As I left for the day our student counselor pulled me aside and said “ That student was trying to ask for help and they came to the right person.”
I’m glad that this student felt comfortable talking to me, showing me that drawing, and was able to ultimately get their needs brought out into the light. I did wonder though, why it was me they talked to? I wouldn’t say I know this student very well, they aren’t someone who is constantly checking in with me. Maybe it was totally a random twist of fate that they happened to come to me. I hope though that I managed to make that student feel Safe, Trusted, and Cared for enough to feel comfortable and share that with me.
I hope they know that I work hard to see them at the same time I dress like a real clown to make sure they can all see me. I hope that I can continue Signaling Safety, Leading with Care, and Developing Trust enough that other students will feel safe enough to come to me too.
When teachers talk about the job being much more than teaching their content, this is what we mean. There will be days when a child will give a cry for help and we’re the one that sees it and then, while all of that is swirling around our brain, we will have to go teach another class full of other children and need to be just as open and available for them. Who knows who is out there and might need you. So find a way to fly the flag that tells them you are there for them, signal safety. For me I make a choice to show that every morning when I reach into the closet and pull out a rayon shirt with pink hearts and purple elephants and wear it with a big goofy grin. It lets me signal safety, so I can lead with care, and develop that trust that (at least today) turned out to be the most important part of my teaching.